Google intends to launch a surprise attack on all grocery stores, kitchen pantries, and child lunch boxes in an effort to seise control of every last Twinkie in the world. The purpose? Because the snack food helps Google’s developers concentrate and because Hostess (the maker of Twinkies) recently announced they’re filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy; Google has no choice if they are to remain on top.

“We must have all Twinkies, help us think,” said one Twinkie-deprived Google team member with glossy eyes and an inability to concentrate.

Of course Google hasn’t come out and announced this to the world. The Twinkie plot is cleverly hidden within its new simplified privacy policy.

Of course, you won’t find anything if you search for the words Twinkie, Hostess, or even

Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour [Flour, Reduced Iron, B Vitamins (Niacin, Thiamine Mononitrate (B1), Riboflavin (B2), Folic Acid)], Corn Syrup, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Water, Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable and/or Animal Shortening (Soybean, Cottonseed and/or Canola Oil, Beef Fat), Whole Eggs, Dextrose. Contains 2% or Less of: Modified Corn Starch, Glucose, Leavenings (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Sweet Dairy Whey, Soy Protein Isolate, Calcium and Sodium Caseinate, Salt, Mono and Diglycerides, Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Soy Flour, Cornstarch, Cellulose Gum, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sorbic Acid (to Retain Freshness), Yellow 5, Red 40. (source)

Google lawyers are way to clever, but their’s no doubt about it, Google’s up to something.

Of course Google says that they are simplifying their policies to better serve everyone. Everyone else on the Internet seems to believe that Google wants to control the combined aggregate user information to serve more targeted ads and thus destroy the free world as we know it, but now you know the truth. Think about it though, what is the most simple explanation? It’s obvious that Google isn’t trying to make things simpler for its end use or provide more relevant ads. It’s very clear that Google is trying to take all the Twinkies for themselves in order to lose the trust of its users to get out of the search business and to stop providing revenue generating services to its users because they don’t like money!

The last Google CEO said if user’s don’t trust us, they’ll go somewhere else. That very telling. They want out. And they want Twinkies!

Or maybe…

Maybe when Google is releasing a new privacy policy to make things easier on the user and to provide more relevant ads. Wait a minute, doesn’t everyone do this? Facebook, Pandora, New York Times: they’ve all advertised to me something that wasn’t relevant to the page, but something that I’d recently been researching on the web. Maybe Google is just trying to catch up.

What are your thoughts on Google new Privacy Policy changes? Is Google going to intentionally make a move to scare its users over to Bing and Yahoo (who likely have very similar practices)? What is the world going to do when Twikies are harder to come by?